Ep47 Why Your Biggest Strength Is Secretly Destroying Your Life (The Empath's Dilemma)

Patricia Lindner 0:00

Stand in this shape, maybe you can feel it, sense it, see it, imagine it, or draw it. In any situation that comes up that you feel like you need to bend again, then imagine this amazing shape that feels like you are in flow. You are happy, you are healthy, you can breathe and you can smile and it is not doing any harm to your body.

Jason Croft 0:26

What if the key to unlocking your full potential isn't about adding more but revealing what's already there? In each episode of magnificence, host Patricia Lindner guides you to reveal your natural brilliance, remove what's been stopping you and reconnect to your authentic power. Join us as we explore how to access the magnificence that lives within us all.

Patricia Lindner 0:51

As you are listening to us, you probably are identifying with being an empath, being someone who is really taking care about how others feel, who wants to help others, provide for them, hold space for others when they are in need. You are a fixer personality, and all of that is not bad, but you really need to be careful about that, because this can quickly go into the wrong direction, and could really drain you in personal or professional spaces when you do not set a boundary and when you do not understand that there is more to that. And so stay tuned, because in this episode, we are talking about exactly that, and I'm overly happy that, again, Jason is with me, and we walk you through so many insights when it comes to this, fixing, being of service, maybe even over Giving. I'm happy, Jason, that you are here and that we dive into this topic right now.

Jason Croft 2:06

Damn, very happy to be here. And it's, it's a big one, and it's, I think we'll probably say this over and over during this episode, but just hear us now, in case you don't say it again, to not take what we're talking about in terms of being there for someone and giving, and, you know, just being that person who has an amazing heart, and anyone you're around feels that All of those are incredible things and so important. And like Patricia and I've just recently, you know, we were just recently having a conversation about this, we see that in our children. We see that heart, and it's such a an amazing and difficult thing to convey. Keep that and protect yourself this way. And that's really what this episode is all about, because it's so important to set that balance, and that balance is such a personal thing. What we're going to get into is certainly how to identify that and just become aware of some of this,

Patricia Lindner 3:21

and it's so great when you when I listen to you, Jason, I had this strong emotion when I remember times when I was really proud of me being overly generous, always helping, always open to anything you could share, anything you could have, anything I would always want to be of service in private realm as well as in the professional realm. And you could not talk me out of that, because it felt like that's my personality. That's who I am. And I'm so proud of that. I'm so very proud of that. I do not want to be an egoist. I do not want to say me first. And I think that is the case for many of our listeners, that they feel there is such a big thing in that it's like, really, it's something like, that's my purpose. I came here, came here, into this world, to make an impact, to be of service, to help others, to be there and to be patient. That is one of the big words that I I used over and over again. I'm overly patient, I'm overly empathetic, and now I see the danger in that, and that's why I wanted to talk about that today, because setting the boundary when necessary is. Not betrayal. It is self love, and it is so needed.

Jason Croft 5:08

Again, if you're watching this, you're probably going, Yeah, that sounds great. That is me. What's wrong with that? Nothing, in and of itself here, and what we're going to talk about today, are two ways that it can go wrong. One is when you bump up against someone who takes advantage of those kind of people, whether it's conscious or not, they're often energetically drawn to someone they can manipulate and, you know, control and all of those things. And that's one real strong area where boundaries need to be set. And second is, if the reason why you're this person, right? Is, is it healthy and strong and fulfilling and you have these boundaries in place, or is your identity wrapped up in that, and I am only worthy if I'm doing these other things? And I think that's a big thing to clarify here in the beginning, because what we're describing Sounds great. Sounds like a wonderful person I'd like to be around. And it is with these two big areas that we want to focus on today, to be cautious of and be aware of.

Patricia Lindner 6:38

So what you say rings so true, because I think both of the things that you said go hand in hand when I think of myself, I think there was a big identification with I need to be this person, this fixer personality. I need to be that empathetic, because I need to earn love. I need to earn recognition. Because if I don't help, do I then exist? Do people then like me, love me? Do they see me? Do they recognize me? And I think that is something that I was trained early on that you need to do something for getting the love that you want. So you need to fix things. You need to fix people, you need to be there. And I think that is such a deeply ingrained pattern that many of us, and I talk for myself, take it as their identity, which it is not what it is is it is like your shape, the healthy, sane shape got bent, twisted, distorted, so that you think you need to do that. You need to act like that, to be worthy of love and to be worthy of money, when you talk about professional spaces, and it is as if people that take advantage advantage of that, they have a nose for Exactly you or me, and they they are spot on with getting in touch with you, and I can talk about personal relationships where I ended up being with a covered narcissist, person that sucked my whole energy out, that borrowed everything that he could get just to fill his lack of lack of so many things, and I would generously give and give and pour into this bowl that I felt he was, but there was This big crack in him. And whenever I pulled something inside of this bowl, it got swallowed, and it was never enough. And I think this is exactly what needs to really be seen in this episode. It is when you're distorted shape, is found by someone who takes advantage of you, and that's so easy, because it's all energy, and that's like a great fit. You have a purpose, and they get what they want.

Jason Croft 9:39

Yeah, and it's wild, because it really does happen in certainly romantic relationships, family relationships, in business and professional circles. I was just talking to someone the other day about this exact dynamic that. To describe the scenario, and we both know 100% there's no way on this earth that the person who was that take advantage, person would ever have done that to us like it just it wouldn't have occurred. So it wasn't even a question of, oh, how would we react? It just It wouldn't have happened. And I think we can all relate to that. Either we're sitting here listening to those like, this doesn't happen to me. I don't understand I hear about this, but it never happens. Or you're like, you're hearing this, like, oh, this sounds like me, but I know people who are no one ever takes advantage of them, no one ever tries to do this to them. And again, it goes back to, I know you're describing as that covert Narcissa. I think there is a subconscious element to a lot of these folks. That doesn't mean, oh, it's not, I don't know we can go down that road of labels and judgment and all that stuff, but I don't think there's a there's a playbook that they're going through, like, all right. Step two, okay, now I'm going to do this, right? It's just happening. And yes, just like all of us, when we are those young, moldable shapes, they were molded probably into this narcissist shape, and haven't done anything to get out of it, but there is just this sense that happens. So I bring all that up just because I think you can listening to this. You can, you can, since they're like, oh, yeah, oh, that is there is something to this aspect of energy and shifting and and that it's critical to first be aware of this stuff going on and then start to try to shift out of it, and get back to as you're saying, your your real shape. And

Patricia Lindner:12:08

I really so when I listen to you, I see those. I see it as an emotional gravity feed where one shapes me, one shape meets another, and the one shape is distorted because it is bent, bending over, or it is twisted, or it is tweaked, and the other shaped, for example, the narcissistic shape sucks all the energy. And the empaths, shape bends willingly and over, gives and pours into them. So I could really literally see that shape thing in front of me of this gravity field, and we talked about that because I once said to you, I can't act like you do, because we are different types of personalities. Now I need to withdraw that, because I think it's not a personality thing. I think I could not act like you, Jason, do setting boundaries or saying no to certain things, or just saying, hey, walk away, dude. I could not say that because I had this training field early on of needing to be exactly like that, and it was like second nature. So you could not just push a button and say, well, now I am doing this the other way around, and no one ever can suck my energy and overwrite my boundaries. It's a process, and you can well do things to get back into your original sacred geometry, your shape that is really yours, and you are not a bad person for being in your original shape. It is more like you are then in your divine shape.

Jason Croft:14:15

I know you're so passionate about getting this out is the fact that it's, it's not that you're not giving. You're it's you've been disguising that giving, right? It's your your giving to feel worthy to do these other things. And that's the hopefully, the big aha, if someone can let that in a little bit of, oh, yeah, I have been doing that, and that's, it's powerful, and it, it does take a prop process. But I think it's not just that, oh, it's gonna take a while to change. It's. More that you go through. And if you don't ever get the awareness, if no one ever points it out and puts it in front of you, and you don't let that in, that's when it takes so long to change. Things have to get so bad before you let those moments once you let that in, the change can be quick, right?

Patricia Lindner:15:23

Awareness is always the first step. Jason, I think awareness, but even, and you know that about myself or about me, awareness is the first step. But even with the awareness, things might not change as fast as you want them to change, because you are in this distorted form. You are feeling that as your second nature. And so there are things that you can do right now, there are things that you can do long term to get you back into your amazing, magnificent shape.

Jason Croft:16:07

The awareness comes in here, but this is an identity that's been born from early on. So it's, it's in the it's in your being there that that part is absolutely going to take a process, and it's going, you know, working with the mind and the body back and forth and, oh, I'm doing this again. Be anywhere, and shift back and shift back, and that's that piece. So I interrupted, but yeah, walk us through some of those. Okay, what do I do if I'm I'm I'm waving my hands widely, saying, This is me. What? What do I do at that point?

Patricia Lindner:16:46

So one thing is really a contemplation on how was helping your survival strategy when you were young. Maybe you come up with ideas you can journal about, that you can contemplate or meditate on that. How was that your survival strategy? So you can identify that this is a false identity, that this is not who you really are. There is something below that that is already there, waiting to be discovered. And there are ways to let go of this false identity. I just name some like logo synthesis or time sweeps of my dear friend Richard Morton, or many, many, many others, like breath work does an amazing thing, another beautiful thing that I did when I was in this covert, narcissistic relationship, and I felt like really exploited and really worn out and sucked out energetically, I could literally feel my my distorted geometry or shape, I woke up every morning in this phase where I felt like now it's high time to return to my shape. And I would think and imagine my healthy shape like a golden shape, yours could be any color or maybe no color at all. What is your shape? And there is no right or wrong. What is the shape that you stand in? And when you think of shapes, it's not like triangle or a ball or anything, it's whatever feels that is right for you, that is what you come up with. And then stand in this shape, maybe you can feel it, sense it, see it, imagine it, or draw it. And in any situation that comes up that you feel like you need to bend again, then imagine this amazing shape, this healthy shape that you have that feels like you are in flow, you are happy, you are healthy, you are ah, you can breathe and you can smile, and It is not doing any harm to your body. I also think of one thing that might be a bit bigger you could go on a healing journey with me. That could be a one on one remotely, or what I really highly is just always is healing journeys to the south of France or to other wonderful healing places where you feel like you come back home as a reborn person. And I not only promise that I experienced it, it is true. That being away from your space and being apart somewhere and really being in this healing space is such a helpful thing. But of course, this is a big thing. I wanted to mention it because I know that this can change your whole life.

Jason Croft:20:22

You'd mentioned to me before, like, take a 24 hour helping fast, right? You know? And just all those places where you're in that you're in that dynamic, maybe it's with a spouse, maybe it's with a parent who just when you're in that cycle, and you know, if you're in it, you know it, you're in negative, oh, they're calling you and oh, they're asking for this again. Just withhold, withhold that what you usually give of yourself, of your energy, don't and observe. And I think that's a powerful first step to both let in, oh, how does that feel when I do that? And what'll be fascinating is how they react. I, for me, I think 24 hours extend that, but going going through that, it's, it'll be really interesting. But that's the start with 24 hours, and then say, oh, that's fascinating. I wonder what another 24 hours does for me and for them, without any discussion with that other person. It's an amazing thing when you when you do that, yeah,

Patricia Lindner:21:42

and it's not about life and death situations. Of course, then you need to help. But it's like, not help when you are not being asked, not give any piece of advice when you are not being asked, not be of service when you are not being asked, it is just this need to do that. It's like an addiction to do that. Just withhold that. And it works wonders. It really works wonders. And it's a very interesting experience.

Jason Croft:22:19

That's why we're here is this awareness piece, important topics that we come up with, things we experience. It's it's so important to share, because that's how this whole world expands consciously, is by being able to share these things and learn something at, you know, age 25 that someone else never learns. You know, whatever it is, it's I think that's collectively moving us all forward.

Patricia Lindner:22:53

Yeah, I find it so important that I wanted to bring it up today in this episode, and that, I even sat down and started writing a book about exactly that topic of how to return to your original geometry that is healthy, that is sane, that is not giving yourself away and exhausting yourself, and how to get Out of the maze of being caught or trapped in any situation like that, or any relationship like that. And, yeah, I can't wait to share that with the world and but first and foremost, let's share this episode. Jason,

Jason Croft:23:42

thank you for joining us for another episode of magnificence. Remember your path to success isn't about discovering something new. It's about revealing the power you already possess if you're ready to take the next step in uncovering your own magnificence. Schedule an illumination call at Patricia lindner.com make sure to subscribe to the show and join us next time, as we continue exploring practical ways to unlock your natural brilliance, until then, trust that your magnificence is already within you ready to shine through you.